The only thing that keeps me connected to my loved one and keeps their memory alive is the deep pain of my grief. Any little piece of that grief that disappears is another piece of my loved one disappearing.
#I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU MONTH YEAR RELEASED HOW TO#
I knew how to be a wife and I know how to be a grieving widow, but I don’t know how to be a widow who has good days and is moving forward.
If I stop feeling the deep pain of grief, it is a sign life can move on without my loved one and I just won’t let that be true. My suffering is a sign of how much my loved one meant to me. If I’m not suffering my love for them must be diminishing! I feel okay today, this must mean I am forgetting my loved one! If you are grappling with any of these thoughts or concerns, you are not the only one. These sorts of feelings come over many people and they might look a little something like this: You realize your pain has become the expression of love lost-the way you honor your loved one, the one consistent link between life with them and life without them, and an element of proof that their life left an indelible mark on those they leave behind.Īpparently, while you were wishing the pain of grief away, it turned into something else entirely. Maybe, in some ways, grief has even come to define you in the context of life after loss. Who are you if you are not someone grieving the loss of someone very special? And who are they if you are not here, in life, holding vigil for them? Over the course of time, it seems, love has gotten all mixed up with pain and grief. Grief is funny, you know? You desperately want it to go away, except for sometimes when you don’t want it to go away. “I should feel better about feeling better.” “Something feels off,” you say to yourself. The tears come a little less and things like laughter, joy, and gratitude are once again a part of your emotional repertoire. The smallest sliver of light cuts into the dark and you realize that this must be what ‘healing from grief’ looks like. You also realize, that progress doesn’t feel as sweet as you imagined.
Things are more colorful and they’re coming into clarity. The days start getting a little bit easier, the nights a little more restful. Then, one day, you look around and realize you can see a little further in front of you. Yet the simplicity of a ‘normal’ existence seems unfathomable. In the beginning, grief is a fog-a thick, dense, and never-ending barrier between you and the world as you once knew it. You figured it would lift, as fog tends to do, but after days and then weeks spent under its heavy cloak, you begin to wonder if it’s become a part of your everyday life. In those moments, you might have thought, “All I want is to feel better,” because you want to feel normal, whatever that may mean to you. Your Evolving Relationship With Grief, Grief Articles for Beginners
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